Mvbe Book Presentation
Transcript of Mvbe Book Presentation
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PRESENTED BY
ANITHA KAVERI V.A
C. SUBBU
KARTHIK
KRISHNAN
POOJA NAIR
SANKAR RAJAN
SUMAN GHOSH
SURENDRAN
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v e r y b o d y i s s o m e b o d y s
i f f i c u l t p e r s o n a t s o m e! ! !o i n t i n t i m e
Mom? Dad? Siblings? Kids? Teachers?Co-workers!Boss!!!
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10 MOST UNWANTED
TANK : Confrontational, angry andaggressive
SNIPER: Sarcastic, rude, make peoplelook dumb
GRENADE: Unfocussed, ranting andraving
KNOW-IT-ALL: Low tolerance forcontradiction
THINK THEY KNOW IT ALL : Attention Grabbing
YES PERSON : Commit too much and
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MAY BE : Procrastinators, cannot justdecide
NOTHING: No verbal/non verbalanswers
NO PERSON: Keep saying no!
WHINER: Just cant stop complaining!
What to do about it? Stay and do nothing Run! Change your attitude
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ENS OFUNDERSTANDING
Perfection Control
ApprovalAttention
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AND WHEN THEY CANT
PERFECTIONIST CONTROLLING APPROVAL SEEKING ATTENTION SEEKING
AND THUS INCREASINGLY DIFFICULT
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Fro m co n flict to co o p e ra tion How is it possible to get along with one and get into conflict with the
other?
, United we stand Divided we can t stand each other &Two essential skills Blending Redirecting
, , . Ways of Blending Visually Verbally Conceptually
Failure to blend has serious consequences because the differences becomes basis for conflict
- No one cooperates with anyone who seems to be against them- , Blending always precedes redirecting whether you re listening to
.understand or speaking to be understood
l e n d N o n v e r b a l l y w i t h b o d y a n d f a c i a l e x p r e s s i o n s
! ! Blending sends the signal that I m with you I m not the enemy I m interested in what you say and do&l e n d V o c a l l y w i t h V o l u m e S p e e d
It is the process rather than the content of communication that is causing the difficulty
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Listen to understand People want to be heard and understood
Master communicator makes his or her goal to listen and understand, .first before attempting to be heard and understood
:ad News Strategy for listening requires you to temporarily,et aside your need to be heard and understood at a time when
ou least want to
:ood News By helping your problem person to express,hemselves completely you increase the likelihood of their
.eing able and even wil ling to hear you in turn
Two levels of Understanding ( )Emotional understanding of feeling( )Intellectual understanding of what they say
Process of Listening When your problem person is talking
Blend visibly and audibly Backtrack some of their own words
,Clarify their meaning intent and criteriaSummarize what you ve heard
Confirm to find out if you got it right
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Reach a deeper understanding,Sometimes most important and useful aspects of communication are hidden
, .not just from the listener but from speaker as well
d e n t i f y p o s i t i v e i n t e n t a good purpose meant to be served by a given communication
,A powerful key to bring out the best in people Give a benefit of doubt&Assume a positive intent behind their problem behavior then deal
. , .accordingly If not sure about the positive intent make something up
Get it done Communicate briefly and to the point so as not to obstructthemGet it right Pay great attention to the details in your communication
with themGet along Show your care with friendly chit chat and considerate
communicationGet Appreciation Recognize their contribution with words of
enthusiastic appreciation d e n t i f y h i g h l y v a l u e d c r i t e r i a the standards by which we measure
ideas and experiences to determine if they are good or bad
Criteria becomes extremely important when differing ideas or points of .view are being discussed
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SPEAK TO BE UNDERSTOOD
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GET WHAT YOU PROJECT AND EXPECT
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BRINGIN OUT THE BEST IN THE PEOPLE AT THEIR WORS
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THREE POSSIBLE STAND THAT WE WOULD ADO
. GGRESIVE. EFENSIVE
.WITHDRAWAL
SUGGESTIONS
Look at the tank as a wind up toy which will wind down soon
Try to think and act like people whom you.have seen handling such situations
Your goal should be to command respect
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ACTION PLAN
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The Sniper
Adjusting Attitude
Live with it. If you dont react then the
behavior loses its value. Shift the focus on the sniper Sniper : Here comes the idiot
Targeted person : I know thats your name, why do youkeep saying it all the time?
Innocent Sniper. Just laugh it off.
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Action Plan for Sniper
1.Stop, Look and Backtrack2.Use searchlight questions
The intent question, When you say that what are you reallytrying to say?
The relevancy question, What does that have to do withthis?
3.Use tank strategy
4.Grievance Patrol5.Suggest a civil futureIn the future, if you have a problem with me, come and talk
to me about it one-on-one. I promise to hear you.
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The Know-It-All
Adjusting Attitude
Overcome the temptation of becoming a know it all yourself which might lead to argument.
Be flexible, patient and very cleverabout how you present your ideas.
Experimental laboratory byremembering previous experienceswith the Know-It-Alls.
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Action Plan for The Know-It-All
1.Be prepared and know your stuff
2.Backtrack respectfully
3.Blend with their doubts and desires
4.Present your ideas indirectlyMaybe, Perhaps, Bear with me a moment, I was just
wondering etc.
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The Think-They-Know-It-All
Adjusting Attitude
Deal with compassion
Have patient and wait for the rightmoment to move things in a
different direction.
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Action Plan for The Think-They-Know-It-All
1. Give them a little attention
Backtrack their comments with enthusiasm.
Acknowledge with positive intent.
2. Clarify for specifics
3. Tell it like it is
4. Give them a break
5. Break the cycle
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The Grenade
Blow up onsituations
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What they do..
The Grenade person explodes intounfocused ranting and raving about
things that have nothing to do withthe present circumstances
The best example: A typical
household
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Human Behavior
Normal Zone
G e t ItR ig h t
G et A lon g
G e t ItD on e
Pe op leFocus
Passive A g g re ssive
Task Focus
GRENADE
Get
Appreciated
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How to prevent the pin frompulling off !!
Get the persons attention and Reduceintensity
Aim for the heart: - Words of love,
touch and affection Time off for good behaviour. Caution: Dont try and have a
reasonable discussion about thecause of the explosion during theexplosion.
Grenade prevention. Find the pin and
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The YES PersonOver commit to please
the personcoz they
really cannot say No!!
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The reasons
No clear picture or analysis of ones plan
Underlying drive to get along with
others Actually nice people, when things
go wrong, they actually feel bad
Poor on task skills, organizingskills etc
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H t D l Th Y
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How to DealThe Yesperson
Make it safe so that they would behonest with you
Clarify, & talk to them Help the person learn to plan. By
using the past experience as atemplate, Ensure commitments and
Strengthen the relationship.( Word of Honour, summarise,write the commitment & describeve consequences)
Remember that they mean well,
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The MAY BE PERSON
They never take adecision .
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Reasons Very low sense of security, feel
threatened They think of more about results which
can have a ve impact rather thanthe process
Results are just a mere byproduct
They dont want to hurt anyone Getalong
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Human Behavior
Normal Zone
G e t ItR ig h t
G e t A lon g
G e t ItD one
Pe op leFocus
Pa ssive A g g re ssive
Task Focus
HE MAY BE PERSON
GetAppreciated
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How To DealThe May BePerson
Establish and maintain a comfort zone Be empathetic and think why they are
not making any decisions (+ves andves)
Use a Process Decision making system
Reassure and ensure follow-through There are no perfect decisions Stick by
it
Strengthen Relationship
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Features of the Nothingperson..
They are passive & not involve inconversation.
Get along people dont say much in fear.Better try to avoid conflict & disapprovalwith them.
Get it right people find perfectionotherwise they get frustrated.
Passive-aggressive answer from themacronym for Frustrated, Insecure,Neurotic & Emotional.
Their face, body posture & eyes give
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Persuasion of Nothing people totalk
Action Plans:
Plan enough time.
Ask open ended questions expectantly. Lighten it up (a little humor).
Guess & watch changing behavior. Show the future.
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No Person
Get it right
ormalZone
Perfectionist
Task Focus
People Focus
Passive Aggressive
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Features of the No person..
When the shortcomings, weakness,failings, mistakes loom the No personfeels despair & negative in every aspect.
They are task focused and always try toavoid mistakes. Their negativity undermines motivation,
stifles development and leads others todepression.
The No person finds the negatives ineveryone and everything else.
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The Whinner
Get it right
ormalZone
Perfectionist
Task Focus
People Focus
Passive Aggressive
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Features of the Whiner
3 types of complaints are there:1. Helpful2. Therapeutic
3. Obnoxious For the feeling of helplessness, the whiner is
vocally less assertive.
Three elements are responsible for Whiningsound:1. The weight on their shoulder.2. The effort required to talk.3. the feeling of futility.
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Whiner Dos andDonts..Dos Have patience.
Have compassion.
Have commitment forlengthy process.
Donts Agree with Whiners.
Disagree with them.
Try to solve theirproblem- you cant.
Never ask them thereason for
complaining.
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Problem solving alliance
Action Plans:
Listen for the main points.
Interrupt & get specific. Shift the focus to solutions.
Show them the future. Draw the line.
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IF YOU ARE THE TANK
Stop wasting time Question yourself
Results of tank? True leader or Dictator?
Biographies and Autobiographies Use it as models - change your
history and get used to the idea.
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IF YOU ARE THE KNOW-IT-ALL
The more you know, the more youdont know
Everyone unique perspective. Wisdom (a product of an inquiring
mind, connected to heart)has agreater value than knowledge
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IF YOU ARE THE THEY-KNOW-IT-ALL
3 THINGS TO REMEMBER Admitting mistake no disgrace
regain esteem Exaggeration cause to be
appreciated and liked Stop trying to impress foolish
practice being silent, to gainappreciation give recognition andgenuine appreciation to others
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IF YOU ARE THE GRENADE
Determine the motive to get changed What your pin is and what pulls out
Examine situations common thread For occasional grenade
Express sooner Spend more time to develop
IF YOU ARE THE YES
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IF YOU ARE THE YESPERSON
Be straightforward commitments Think about others sales person No real intimacy Practice being assertive Strength genuine caring
IF YOU ARE THE MAYBE
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IF YOU ARE THE MAYBEPERSON
There are no perfect decisions Inherent costs
Unmade decision When in doubt decide now Decision Hurting others
IF YOU ARE THE NOTHING
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IF YOU ARE THE NOTHINGPERSON
The conflict makes the distance fromothers
Distance Isolation Express emotions, dont stuff Try to use no blaming type of
conversations
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IF YOU ARE THE NO PERSON
Negative mind (everyone) wrongperceptions
Tape recorder List of disappointments Waiting opportunities Criticism and feedback problem
solving process
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IF YOU ARE THE WHINER
Switch to a problem solving mode Look the world around you
Stick to specifics Appreciate what works in life
Notes appreciate Alternative doings
Stop! Make another commitment
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HOW TO APPLY ?
Learn from all the opportunities Team up with a communication
partner Share develops you to pay attention
Count on your blessings strength After application easy success, win
and lose, more choices only youare responsible
Learn to accept differences (at worst)
HOW TO CHANGE
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HOW TO CHANGE YOURATTITUDE?
CHANGING YOUR REACTIONS: Decide what you want, what will
help you to get along resourcedescription
Lag of resource? others
modeling you New internal state - move with a
difficult person real
Be realistic - Preplay the future
CHANGING YOUR
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CHANGING YOURPERSPECTIVE
Association Dissociation, Memories Step away from unpleasant
memories: Imagine worst case scenarios Alan Kirschner technique go beyond Editing memory, colour, contrast,
trade Reframe problem Teresa
Change the frame, not the picture
CHANGING THE WAY YOU TALK
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CHANGING THE WAY YOU TALK TO YOURSELF
Think say, makes you think of whatto say
Substitute positive Draw mental comments:
I go for what I want, and I want what Iget
Somewhere in this experience is anopportunity
Any experience I can learn from is agood one
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Draw mental comments: Oh well situation does not change
with our opinion All things must pass This used to bother me, thats all
behind me now In God we trust Think about the
present and let start from there.Leave the past
All the tools are available, adjust yourreactions and attitude, free stress.
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LIFE IS NOT A TEST . . . .ITS ACTUALLY AN
EMERGENCY