Disciplina Positiva Parte 4

7/29/2019 Disciplina Positiva Parte 4

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Chapter 4

Objectives:This chapter aims to help trainees understand andbe able to apply:

1. Natural and logical consequences

2. Setting up regulations and rules in school and amily

3. Time Out

Positive disciplines


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72 Positive Disciplines


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73Chapter 4: Positive disciplines

While the idea o applying natural and logical consequences may sound like a new concept, parents

and teachers already commonly employ this method in schools and at home. However, as will be

discussed, i used improperly, as it so requently, it may be ineective or even harmul to children.

A natural consequence is anything that happens naturally, with no human intererence: when you standin the rain without raincoat, you get wet; when you dont eat, you get hungry; when you orget your

coat, you get cold; i you pull the cats tail, you will probably be scratched.

Unlike natural consequences, logical consequences require the intervention o adult or other children:

i you dont do your homework, you will get a bad grade; i a boy breaks his toy car on purpose, his

parents will not buy him a new one in order to teach him to look ater his toys.

There are two main purposes or using this method. Firstly, both natural and logical consequences

teach children to be responsible or their own behaviours, enabling and encouraging them to

make responsible decisions such as going to school, going to bed on time, wearing warm clothes

in cold weather and doing their homework. Secondly, this approach can work as a replacement or

punishment: children can still learn good behaviours without being beaten or scolded by adults. Itstrengthens the relationship between parents and children and teachers and pupils, making it warmer,

with less conict.

I the situation is not dangerous or the child, the maxim experience is the best teacher is an

excellent instruction principle. This is very important or the learning process: children learn rom the

consequences o their behaviours. I the experience is positive, the child tends to repeat such behaviour.

Conversely, i the experience is negative, a child is less likely to repeat the behaviour. Either way, they

learn that each o their behaviours has a certain consequence.

In order to apply this approach, it is important that the relationship between parents and children or

teachers and pupils should be based on mutual respect. Here the challenge is how to make both parties

cooperate with and encourage each other. I you want tochange certain behaviours exhibited by your

child, you must frst ensure that your

child will cooperate with you rather

than conront or be in conict with

you. In order to achieve this, you

must be prepared to cooperate as

well. In order to earn the respect

o your child, you must equally

show your child that you respect

him or her.

Apply natural

and logicalconsequences

Suggestedknowledge

1


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t picips usi u csqucs1. Make sure that the child is not in danger: Natural consequences are a way to help a

child learn the results o behaviour. However, adults must make sure that the child is not indanger. No one should let children learn about inherently dangerous situations - such as

accessing electricity, boiling water or crossing crowded streets - just to teach them cause

and eect and natural consequence.

2. Do not interere with other people: For example, do not allow your child to throw rocks at

another person. While they will quickly learn that this behaviour has negative consequences,

someone else may have suered in order to teach your child that lesson. I a child cannot

understand the negative consequences o his or her behaviour, natural consequence will

not be practical and eective. When the results o childrens behaviour do not seem like a

problem to them (or example, not taking a bath, not brushing their teeth), children will not

learn the lesson.

t picips ppyi ic csqucs

The application o logical consequences is most eective when you ensure that the solutions

are logical and not punishment. There are three basic principles that underlie the successul

application o this concept:

Related:1. Cause and consequence must be related: when a child throws his or her toysaround the room, the logical consequence is that the child either puts them back in

order or stops playing with them. When a child spills water, the related consequence is

to have him or her clean up the spill. When a child writes on a desk, the related conse-

quence would be to have him or her clean up the desk, rather than to have him or her

clean the classroom or the toilet.

Respectul:2. I adult does not respect the child and, in particular, makes the child eel

humiliated (How messy you are, How can you be so clumsy? That is the last time Ill let

you pour the milk!) when orcing the child to tidy up the mess he or she has made, it

becomes a type o punishment and scolding rather than a logical consequence.

Reasonable:3. I adult is not reasonable and requests a child to clean up their toys or scrubthe oor again to make sure he or she has learned a lesson, it is no longer a logical conse-

quence. Reasonableness has been eliminated, along with act that adult has used his or

her power to orce the child to learn a lesson. As such, the child will probably not change

his or her behaviour or cooperate next time.


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I these three principles are not properly applied, the logical consequence methodology will not be

eective. Children may exhibit 3 negative responses as ollows:

Resentment:1. This is unair. I cant trust adults.Revenge:2. They are winning now because they have power, but next time Ill get even.

Retreat, lose condence:3. I wont try to do anything mysel I only ever make a mess and

get in trouble or reduced sel-esteem (I am a bad person or I am a ool).

Like adults, children also want to have the opportunity to make their own choices. Making a choice o one

rom two possible solutions is better than no opportunity or making a choice at all. Do you want to go

to bed at 9:00 or 9:30? is much better than In this house, children have to go to bed at 9:30.

Sometimes adults should make children aware o the possible consequences o their actions in advance.Children must understand that the choice, though limited, is theirs and they must accept the conse-

quences o their decision. For example, a mother brought her child to supermarket. Once there, he pestered

her or many things, crying until his mother nally gave in and bought him what he wanted. Next time, his

mother could say, I need to go to the market to buy some ood or our amily. You can come with me but

are you are not allowed to buy anything, or you can stay at home and I will go alone and come back quickly.

Which do you preer?


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tb 1. dics b puism ic csquc

Puism lic csquc

1. Emphasise the power o personal

authority, make demands:

For example: Trung, turn o the music, we

are taking a rest.

1. Express the reality o the lie, showing

mutual respect:

For example: Trung, I know you like that song

but we are taking a rest. So please either turn

the volume down or turn the music o.

2. Arbitrary, indirectly related to

situation or not related at all:

For example: Why do you have to turn on

the music when we are taking a rest? You

are not allowed to listen to any music romnow on.

2. Directly related to the childs

misbehaviour:

For example: You should not turn the music

up so loud at noon when people are taking a

rest.

3. Identiy childrens behaviour with

personality, imply moral judgment:

For example: You acted like a thie when

you used my motorbike without asking

permission. From now on, you are not

allowed to touch it!

3. Separate the deed rom the doer, no

moral judgment:

For example: You used my motorbike

without asking or my permission. It is not

right. From now on, you must ask me beore

taking it.

4. Concerned with past behaviour:

For example: You are not allowed to invite

your riends to our house again. Last time

you made a big mess and your riends

used bad language.

4. Concerned only with present and uture

behaviours:

For example: You can invite your riends to

our house i you tidy up ater yourselves and

nobody uses bad language.

5. Threaten, disrespect, or put the child

down:

For example: Last time you made me lose

my ace with my riend. You know what

will happen i your riends come to our

house next time

5. Discuss the behaviour in a riendly

manner, ater the adult and the child

have calmed down; imply good will:

For example: Because you were not

respectul to my guest, next time may you

stay in your room when I talk with my guest?

6. Demand obedience:For example: Do it now, go! I you dont do

it now, I will beat you!

6. Permit choices:For example: You can do it whenever you

want but it should be completed beore I

come back.


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In addition, there are dierences in adults attitudes between the two approaches:

Puism lic csquc

Angry voice and expression Calm voice and expression

Unriendly, detesting attitude Friendly but determined attitude

Dont accept childrens choice

For example: Go to your bed now, or I will

beat you.

Can accept childrens decision, with limits

For example: You can continue reading but do

not stay up ater ten oclock.

It should be noted that some adults, rather than beating or scolding their children, choose instead to

ignore their children as a orm o punishment: no talking, no listening, and no looking at the child when

he or she is disobedient. This method is a negative discipline approach as it reduces the interaction,

sympathy and understanding between adults and children. Children can eel when your behaviour astheir parents or teachers is careless and disrespectul, not loving. When children believe that their care-

givers do not actually care about them, they may eel rejected and that they dont need those that dont

want them. As such, they may reuse to cooperate, and the adults may lose their authority.

Unlike the autocratic discipline and punishment, logical consequences are usually accompanied by an

adults explanation to enable the child to understand the consequence o their actions (see Table 1).

Explanation encourages children to be responsible or their behaviour without punishment and threats

rom adults. I, however, we wish our children to live responsibly, we should provide them with role

models o responsible behaviours as well as opportunities to practice responsibility, not just hollow

lectures on moral responsibility. When a child exhibits inappropriate behaviour, he or she should have

an adult explain how his or her behaviour aects other people. He or she should then be given a respon-

sibility such as reduce the volume or turn o the cassette, or tidy up the house ater the riends havelet - relating to the actual behaviour. The child might not eel very comortable but this eeling is more

useul than making him or her eel angry, scared, insulted, or disrespected through dictatorial discipline.

When children make mistakes and adults explain the possible consequences o their behaviour to them

while still expressing their care and love, the explanation is much more powerul.

Explanations also gradually help children to understand and accept the eelings and opinions o other

people - parents, teachers, and riends - as well as their inuence on other people. As they mature, they

will need ewer lectures because they have learnt how to see the situation rom other points o view.


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ObjectiveTo practise how to use logical consequences in specifc

situations

Target

audience

Parents, teachers, caregivers and people who are working with

children

Time 20 minutes

Method Quick thinking and sharing

Materials A0 ip chart, permanent marker or board and chalk,

Pcss

Step 1

(5 mius)

Divide participants into small groups. Distribute the handout Applying Logical

Consequencesto each group. Groups discuss and answer the questions given in

the situation (situation at home). I time is not available or everyone to look at

both situation cards, hal the groups should discuss situation at school. Groups

then write their answers on the card.

Step 2

(10 mius)

Ask groups to share their answers. You can add urther suggestions as you go. At

the end, explain how Longs mother used logical consequences, based on Handout

Applying logical consequences situation analysis.

In the situation at school, the teacher uses punishment rather than logical consequence

as it violates all three underlying principles: relate, respect and reason.

Conclusion

(5 mius)

Long has learnt cause and eects/consequences o his action, a lesson about being

responsible or his behaviour.

In Lans case, the teachers used a punishment that is in violation o the three key

principles and, as such, it is harmul to Lan. However, i she asks Lan, in calm and

respectul manner, to clean up the desk and the wall she drew upon, the teacher is

using logical consequence.

Activity:using logical conseqences


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ObjectiveTo understand the dierences between punishment and

logical consequences

Target

audience


children

Time 20 minutes

Method Quick thinking and sharing

Materials A0 ip chart, permanent marker or board and chalk

Pcss

Step 1

(7 mius)

Continue activity with the Handout o Punish the child in chapter 2. Ask

participants what they can do without resorting to punishment? What can they

do to employ logical consequence? (See the Handout Punishment or logical

consequences

Step 2

(8 mius)

Ask participants to share their ideas. You can add urther suggestions based on

Handout Punishment or logical consequences a comparison o two ways.

I more time is available, you can use the Handout Punishment or logical

consequences to create a situation in school: when a child breaks one o his class

learning aids, the teacher usually uses punishment not logical consequence todiscipline the child. How will that child react? What will he learn? Is it similar or

dierent to Kien in the situation oPunishment or logical consequences

Conclusion

(5 mius)

Summarise the dierences between punishment and logical consequences based

on knowledge given in Suggested Knowledge 1.

Activity:Dierences between

pnishment and logical

conseqences


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ObjectiveTo practise using logical consequences in three specifc

situations

Target

audience


children

Time 25 minutes

Method Small group work and sharing

Materials A0 ip chart, permanent marker or board and chalk.

Pcss

Step 1

(10 mius)

Divide participants into small groups. Distribute Handout Dierences between

punishment and logical consequenceto each group. Groups discuss given questions

and write their results in one o two columns: punishment or logical consequence

o the situation described on situation

Step 2

(8 mius)

Representatives rom each group share with the plenary. Ask other participants to

raise questions and give comment.

Conclusion

(7 mius)

Recap how to use logical consequences in specifc situations. The dierences between

punishment and logical consequences can be seen more clearly in the comparison

handout.

You may ask trainees to try applying logical consequences in appropriate situations in

school as homework. Discussion and sharing can then take place in the next session.

Activity:Contine to practice logical

conseqence


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S up buisWhile natural and logical consequences aim to educate children about responsibilities, rules and

regulations help to protect children. Rules and regulations are essential or education, rearing and

ensuring childrens healthy and sae development. Most parents and teachers want their children to

become decent, disciplined and responsible adults. The establishment and reinorcement o rules,

regulations and disciplines at home and at school, thereore, is very important.

Rules and regulations help children to understand what behaviours are appropriate and what behaviours

are unacceptable. They also help the children to understand the boundary o principles that cannot

be destroyed. Maintaining those rules and regulations also helps to maintain order and decency in the

amily and the school as well as later in society. I those behavioural regulations are appropriately and

consistently developed and exercised, children will accept them as principles guiding their behaviour

throughout their lie.

There are some rules and regulations consisting o

strict principles set by adults that children should ollow

without negotiation or their saely and the saety and

comort o others. As an example, children may be

asked to respect each other, to be honest, not to touch

electricity and not to smoke. Other rules and regulations

may be discussed and agreed upon between adults and

children and may be open be change ater a period

o time or when children reach a dierent stage, orexample, regulations on when to study or what to wear,

or their responsibilities around the home. Children will

learn very quickly what kinds o regulations are non-

negotiable and which are negotiable and changeable.

The logical consequence approach plays an important

role in assisting adults to teach children these regulations

and principles.

In Table 2 below, the frst column (Yes) shows examples

o those rules and responsibilities that children must

ollow according to their age and stage o development.

The third column (No) shows examples o those things

Set up regulations

and rules in thefamily and the

classroom

Suggestedknowledge

2


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prohibited by parents, teachers or other adults or the good o childrens health, saety and development.

The middle column (Maybe) shows examples o those things that may be open to change as the child

matures and develops: those things that may move rom the No column to the Yes column. This

process will be based on ongoing discussion between children and their caregivers to renegotiate

the regulations and evidence o childrens increasing sense o responsibility. For example, as children

become older and more responsible, they may be allowed to go alone to their riends birthday partyin the evening i they arrange to be home at a certain time and to behave responsibly, or they may be

allowed to invite their riend over i they all agree to be polite and not to cause any disturbance.

Whilst children are growing up, they tend to seek greater independence while their parents tend to

still want to maintain strict control. This may result in conict. It is important, however, that parents and

caregivers do not relax the established norms and disciplines too readily as setting new boundaries

can be dicult and time consuming once children are used to a more ewer rules.

tb 2: Sm xmps ys-myb- (msy us s)

Yes Maybe No

Do homework Attend a riends birthday

party

Smoking cigarettes

Go to bed beore a

certain time

Go out on the weekend Driving a motorbike

Wear neat clothes to

school

Use the Internet Fighting

Help with the housework

ater school

Play games and

participate in other extra-curriculum activities

Playing games during

lectures

B cu syi cis qusAdults should be careul when saying yes and

especially when saying no. In many cases,

when childrens requests are denied, theycry, insist and sulk in an attempt to get their

way. This conict can lead parents to become

unhappy and stressed when their children

challenge their decision. Some parents may

use punishment to repress the conict and

protect their decision. Later, they may eel

regret or their behaviour and compassion or

their children. On reviewing their childrens

request, they may no longer eel the request is

unreasonable and thus reverse their decision.


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This type o inconsistency can make children think that:

Even though their parents said no this may not be the last word.

Behaviours such as crying and sulking may be used as tools to change parents decisions.

When parents are busy, they may not have the time to careully think the situation through, so saying noseems saer. Some parents do not really care about or respect childrens opinions so they immediately

say no without properly considering their requests or how to respond to them. When children dont

know why their request is reused, it can make them eel disappointed, suspicious and that they

have perhaps been treated unairly. In some cases, parents give children perunctory permission and

then have to go back on their decision once they think it more thoroughly. It makes adults appear

inconsistent and untrustworthy. As such, it is important to consider each situation careully and think

beore answering childrens requests.

w yu mmb sbisi

uis us sc miy?

Pis mmb si up us i ciIs that regulation/principle based on reality or just the adults perception?

Is that regulation/principle in the childs best interest and to ensure the childs

security?

Does that regulation/principle help children to avoid conict with other people?

Does that regulation/principle help children to learn how to think and consider the

consequences beore taking action?

What are consequences o ollowing or not ollowing that regulation/principle?

Every amily or school class need rules and regulations but these should not be arbitrarily established

by adults. Regulations are ar more eective i set up with participation rom all and practiced by the

whole amily or class. The regulations might relate to what and how to eat, what clothes to wear,

hygiene and good health, studying at home and in school, entertainment, timeliness, appropriate

responses and so on. The regulations should reect both adults and childrens needs and concerns. It

is important that children, especially teenage children, participate and cooperate in determining theregulations. When devising regulations it is important to consider the ollowing:

regUlatIonS wIthoUt PartICIPatIon no CooPeratIon and oPPoSItIonor CooPeratIon

By getting involved in the decision making process, both adults and children eel that they are the

owners o the decision and thus tend to carry out the decision ar more readily than when they eel

they are orced.


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Css miy misTo establish a norm or principle or to solve any problem or conict, participatory class and amily

meetings can be very useul. They provide a chance or members o the amily or class to discuss, change

and adapt some established agreements. Discussions in class and in the amily provide an opportunity

and orum or children to learn how to share responsibility. They also provide an opportunity or adults

to show their respect and understanding toward children and to make joint decisions that are owned

and ollowed by all.

While there are clearly dierences between amilies and school classes, some similarities in the

establishment o norms and principles exist. The main purpose o class or amily meetings is not to

criticise or moralise. Teachers and parents should not use the class or amily meeting as a way to exertexcessive control. Children will know i they are being manipulated and will not cooperate.

Pupss css miy mis:

(1) To recognise and praise what has been achieved.

(2) To help each other.

(3) To solve problems.

(4) Plan events.

tu css miy mis, ci c ciic skis, suc s:

Mutual respect, talking in turn, listening to other people.

Giving compliments, recognising other peoples strengths and assets, being riendly, sharing

and cooperating on certain tasks.

Using logical consequences: or example, what to do when someone writes on a desk, on the

wall, uses oul language, is late or school or doesnt do their work during class time. Always keep

in mind the three key principles o logical consequences: related, respectul and reasonable.

Family meetings enable parents and grandparents to better understand each other through establishing

consistent norms. This can help to avoid any conusion over expectations and help children to stick to

their amilys principles and norms (see Activity 4).


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Sps css/miy mi:

Start with a positive statement or praise to remove any deensiveness and promote cooperation.

Review the meeting agenda. For example, a teacher might ask: This is our class. I want you to

be involved in making our class rules. What do you want them to be? What points should beincluded?

Problem solving: For example, ask children who make mistakes such as making the table dirty by

drawing on it, come late to school, use bad language and so on, what they suggest to solve this

problem or diculty. I they make a suggestion, ask the other children to give their comments

and see i everyone agrees with the suggestions. I not, ask everyone to make other suggestions.

I those suggestions are counterproductive, ask the children with an encouraging manner way

or more easible and positive suggestions.

Create plan or putting the ideas into practice. Children should be able to decide when - within

a limited timerame, such as rom today or tomorrow - they have to begin to ollow the agreed

suggestions.

exmp

a ci i css sy hu is qusm by, ysskippi css ui up is css mi. ty sy picks s, ss b, ss s b mks. I csks, su bu is? ms u pbby sy

su b iscipi. Bu i c sks: wy yu ik hu ss is? t ss icu is suc s bcus is m, is buy. Fiy, ci suss, myb i is bcus s y is. a ci sys, is ii i is sibis bcus is p. t ci sk iscuss i ms b p. ty is suc s i mus b s yu miy,

s muc by yus, s . ty xpssi usi hu is siiy. w sk, h my yu u bii p hu? y i css is i . a is s

m i susis y cu p.l, hu s css iscuss pbms bi. w s sk i y i my pupis p im, k u pi, Pbby m.w s y pupis p im, kup i i ys sk s u cu bi i, y?

w css ci p hu by bi is i, suc ss bi is biu suyi pmc

imp micy.


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rus uis my icu i pis

Mutual respect. Try using positive norms, such as be kind to each other or help those that need

it instead o prohibitions such as no fghting or no teasing,

Allowing others to be heard

Keeping quiet, no private talk when it should

be quiet

Being riendly

I rules and regulations proposed by children

are unreasonable or impossible, adults can raise

open questions such as Are you sure that that

is what we want? Any other solutions? We

cant do that right now. I you like, we can try

another solution and when its possible we willtry your suggestion. Ater the establishment

o the norms and principles, maintenance and

reinorcement is critical and oten more dicult.

Pis mmb mii suis ci

Instruction:Instructions must be clear and concrete, or example, Its time or you to put

your toys in order.

Reminder: Reminders will help children to think, recall and then decide their action, or

example, Do you remember that we agreed that you will not open and look thorough

other peoples drawers when we are visiting them?

Oer the child at least two alternatives:allow the child to choose one o the two acceptable

options in order to encourage childrens ability to think and making decisions. For example,

What do you want to wear today, the blue or the white trousers?

Let the child become aware o the consequences o their choice:telling children what will

result rom their behaviour is very useul. For example, I will be very worried i you

continue to beat your riend like that when you are angry.

Warning: a warning is not a threat but a reminder or the child to think o possible negative

consequences o certain behaviour. For example, you should think o what might happen

i you dont look careully when crossing the road on the way to school.

Express expectation: letting a child know your expectations is a way to encourage the child

to exhibit or rerain rom certain behaviour. For example, I would preer it i you did not

write dirty words on your desk.


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Objective To practise how to discuss the establishment o norms in amily

Target

audience


children

Time 25 minutes

Method Small group work and sharing

Materials A0 ip chart, permanent marker or board, chalk, post-it notes

Pcss

Step 1

(10 mius)

Divide participants into small groups. Each group is to represent a amily or class

with dierent issues (or example, timeliness, housework, smoking, drinking,

watching TV while others are studying; a child in dicult situation who is always

talking and is quarrelsome at school and in the playground or a newcomer is oul-

mouthed and excessively boisterous when playing games) Ask each amily or

class to practice conducting a meeting to discuss and agree upon some useul

norms or the amily or classroom. Those norms can be put in a table with columns

or the days in a week and rows or the member responsible.

Step 2

(10 mius)

Ask representatives o the amilies and classes to share their agreed norms with the

plenary. Other participants and the trainer listen and raise question and comments

Conclusion(5 mius)

By participating in the decision making process, both adults and children eel

ownership o the decision. As such, the likelihood o putting the decision into

practice is higher than i the decision had been orced upon them.

Activity:A meeting to establish the rles

for family and class


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ObjectiveTo understand the importance o the consistency o adults in

setting and maintaining rules/regulations the in amily

Target

audience


children

Time 15 minutes

Method Small group works and sharing

Materials A0 ip chart, permanent marker or board, chalk, Post-it notes

Pcss

Step 1

(3 mius)

Divide participants into small groups. Distribute Handout Inconsistency between

adultsto each group. Ask groups to discuss and answer the questions.

Step 2

(7 mius)

Groups share their answers with the plenary. Other participants to listen and raise

questions and comment.

Conclusion

(5 mius)

Summarise that parents need to discuss together and agree on how to establish rules

and regulations or their amily. This is even more critical or three-generation amilies.

Give homework, or example, those who are experiencing inconsistency over home

rules and regulations should discuss the situation with their spouse and, i necessary,

with the grandparents o the house and try to develop a set o rules and regulations

that suits everyone.

Activity:Inconsistency between adlts


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ObjectivePractice positive disciplines with teenagers in common

situations

Target

audienceParents, teachers, caregivers

Time 25 minutes

Method Group discussion and sharing

MaterialsA0 ip chart, permanent marker or board, chalk and Post-it

notes

Cc i

Step 1

(10 mius)

Divide the class in small groups. Give each group Handout Positive disciplines with

teenagers. Each group should discuss the question and write their results in the

blank space on the handout.

Step 2

(8 mius)

Each group presents and shares their discussion results. Other groups may ask ques-

tions or give comments or input.

Give the ull version or trainees.

Conclusion

(7 mius)

Clearly defne the dierence between types o disciplines - arbitrary, relaxed, and posi-

tive disciplines - exercised by parents and the impacts or inuences that may result.

You may give the trainees homework: or example, trainees are to consider how they

treat children and whether or not their methods are eective. Next session, spend a

ew minutes or sharing the trainees fndings.

Activity:Positive disciplines with

teenagers


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Time Out is an eective discipline but its use can be controversial. As with logical consequence, i

certain principles are not ollowed, Time Out can become a punishment, which may be harmul or

children.

The aim o Time Out is to isolate a child who is exhibiting or at risk o exhibiting undesirable orunacceptable behaviour - such as ridiculing or beating his or her riends or siblings, or destroying toys.

During the Time Out, the child has to sit separately without playing, talking or joining in the activity

with other children. It should last a set period o time in a particular Time Out place so that the child

can calm down and think about his or her inappropriate behaviour beore be able to continue with

the activity.

It is important that Time Out is used as a last

resort, when the child is at risk o hurting

other children or themselves. I adults use

this approach appropriately - inrequently

and or a short time - the child should

calm down and regain sel-controlrom a highly charged situation. By

contrast, i you use it requently and

improperly, it will not be eective and

have a negative impact on the child. It

may make the child more aggressive

and angry rather than sel-controlled or

it may become a physical and/or mental

punishment, or example, asking the

child to stand acing the wall or the whole

teaching period, to kneel in the corner o the

room or outdoors in the sun.

There are still debates about what is the most

eective length or a Time Out. Many educators

suggest that the Time Out method is most eective or

children aged three to nine years. The length o time, then,

depends on the age o the child. A good guideline is one minute

o Time Out or every year o age, so three minutes or a three year old, eight minutes or an eight

year old and so on. Extra minutes can be added or severe mistakes, as long as this message is ully

conveyed to the child.

Time outSuggestedknowledge

3


22/45


Sm bsic picips (to avoid Time Out becoming apunishment)

Dont use with very young children. Very young children can become rightened whenseparated rom adults, especially their parents and kindergarten teachers. Some may

become scared at even the threat o being let alone.

Use this method immediately ater the child makes the mistake or exhibits bad behaviour.

This allows the child to more easily make the connection to the behaviour and the logical

consequence o a Time Out. I possible, you should oer the child some other positive

choices, such as tidying up the mess he or she has made or apologise to his or her riend,

rather than immediately isolate him or her rom the activity happening in the class or at

home.

The Time Out should not be insulting. While the child is in Time Out, she should not be

made to eel scared or ridiculed. I this happens, the Time Out will become a mentalpunishment.

The length o the Time Out should not be longer than the time needed or the child to calm

down. When the child has calmed down, explain to him what behaviour is appropriate

and what behaviour is inappropriate and unacceptable. You must help the child to clearly

understand why he or she had to have a Time Out, otherwise he or she will tend to repeat

the behaviour.

Dont threaten. Dont tell the child: i you repeat that behaviour, you will be asked to stand

in the corner. The child will become conused, eel that it is a negative punishment and

will not cooperate. As a result, the Time Out will be less eective. Dont use Time Out as a

punishment.

I the child is worried, embarrassed or irritated, you should help him or her to calm down beore using

Time Out. I you have used Time Out several times or a child but the behaviour has not changed as

expected, the reasons might be:

1. The child is too young to understand the purpose o being isolated rom his riends

2. The child is too amiliar with isolation thereore Time Out is ineective

3. The child may have a deep-seated aversion to isolation, or

4. The child has physical problems such as malnutrition.

When adults are angry, children may bear the brunt o their anger. When adults become angry, they

may need a Time Out o their own (Chapter 7). Try to give children Time Out beore you become angry

as once you are angry it is easy to ignore the three basic principles: reason, respect and relate.


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tb 3: dics B Psii ni discipi (puism)

Psii iscipi ni iscipi (puism)

1. Focus on what children need to do/shoulddo. Oer them positive choices. 1. Focus on what children are not allowed to do. Prohibitthem rom doing something without explaining the

reasons why.

2. A regular, continuous, consistent

and determined process. It should be

instruction-oriented.

2. Only occur when a child is caught making mistakes

or having a problem. It is a premeditated action that

aims at making children ashamed or humiliated.

3. Logical consequences are directly related

to childrens negative behaviours.

3. Consequences are irrelevant or illogical and

unrelated to childrens negative behaviours.

4. Listen to children, give examples or

children to ollow.

4. Never or rarely listen to children. Demand that

children obey.5. Accustom the child to sel-control. Enable

him or her to learn responsibility or him or

hersel, becoming proactive and confdent.

5. Children increasingly depend on adults, are

controlled by adults, may develop a ear o ailure, less

sel-independent, passive, unconfdent.

6. Help children to change and ocus on

their misbehaviours.

6. Focus on easing adults anger rather than correcting

the childs misbehaviour. May be a way or the adult to

vent their anger over something else entirely

7. Positive, respectul towards children. 7. Negative, disrespectul towards children

8. Encourage childrens ability to think and

make choices.

8. Adults think and make decisions and choices or

children.

9. Establish, develop desired behaviours. 9. Punish and criticise the child or his or her mistakes.

This may result in another negative behaviour.

10. Understand childrens capacity, needs

and developmental stages.

10. Inappropriate to the childs stage o development. Does

not take into account childrens capacity and needs.

11. No physical and emotional violence 11. Physical and emotional violence

12. Children ollow regulations and

disciplines because they have been involved

in the discussion and decision-making.

12. Children ollow regulations and disciplines because

they are araid o being punished or bribed with money

or rewards.

13. Teaches the child to understand the

reason or rules and discipline so that he

or she internalises them and ollows them

subconsciously.

13. Teaches the child to passively ollow the rules

knowing that violation o the rules will result in

punishment. There is no real understanding o why one

behaviour is permitted and another is not.

14. Consider mistakes to be a learning

opportunity or sel-improvement.

14. Mistakes viewed as unacceptable - the child is

punished when he or she makes a mistake. Force the

child to be obedient because the parents or teachers

say so, rather than through understanding the right

and wrong o the situation

15. Focus on the behaviour o the child

rather than the childs personality.

15. Criticise the childs personality rather than his

behaviour.


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ObjectiveTo practise using Time Out or children in conict in specifc

situations at school and in the home

Target

audience


children

Time 20 minutes


Materials A0 ip chart, permanent marker or board, chalk

Pcss

Step 1

(10 mius)

Divide participants into small groups. Distribute Handout What should be done with

children in confict to each group. Groups discuss the given questions and write

their results in the blank space on the card.

Step 2(7 mius)

Representatives rom each groups share their answers with the plenary. Ask otherparticipants to raise question and comments.

Conclusion

(3 mius)

The conclusion will be made based on Suggested Knowledge 3. Adults should be

careul to use Time Out properly. Vinh should be given Time Out to avoid hurting his

riend and to cool down. Ater he has cooled down, the adult can explain why his

behaviour is unacceptable. Next time, the adult can suggest that Vinh selects other toy

to exchange with Ngoc or suggest that both o them should share the toy. Whenever

children ollow the behaviour suggested by parents or teachers, they should be praised

and encouraged immediately to reinorce the good behaviour (Chapter 6).

Activity:Time-out for children in conict


25/45


Objective To practise using time out or angry children

Target

audience


children

Time 20 minutes


Materials A0 ip chart, permanent marker or board, chalk

Pcss

Step 1

(10 mius)

Divide participants into small groups. Distribute Handout What should be done

with angry childrento each group. Groups discuss the given questions and write

their results in the blank space on the card.

Step 2

(7 mius)

Representatives o each group share their answers with the plenary. Ask other

participants to raise question and comments.

Conclusion

(3 mius)

Adults should be careul to use Time Out properly. Vinh should be given Time Out to

allow him to cool down and control his anger and to stop him destroying his toy. Ater

he has cooled down, an adult can teach him that anger is acceptable - parents and

teachers are also angry sometimes - but hurting toys or other people is not acceptable.

You can tell Vinh that as the toy is hurt, it is also angry and thereore it must be put

in the Time Out box (combine with logical consequence) so he can only play with it

tomorrow. Consider the Time Out place as a sae cornerrather than apenitence corner

or dead-time corner. You can decorate the Time Out place accordingly.

Activity:Time ot for angry children


26/45


Objective To test, review and reinorce positive discipline

Target

audience


children

Time 25 minutes

Method Individual works and sharing

MaterialsBoard, chalk, photocopy o the test distributed to each

participant

Pcss

Step 1

(5 mius)

Distribute Handout Test Used or both parents and teachersand/or Handout Test

Used or teachers only. Ask them to complete it on their own.

Step 2

(10 mius)

Ater fnishing, the trainer writes the correct answers on the board or people to compare.

I exchange, clarifcation or questions are needed, the trainer will acilitate. This is a very

useul exercise that can either be done in the class i time is available or at home.

Conclusion

(10 mius)

Recap the knowledge and skills that have already been delivered, in particular, chapter 4.

Stress that (1) the purpose o discipline is to educate and guide children but not punish

them. The nature o discipline is to help children to become more mature and responsible

or their lie, actions and to allow them to make good decisions and choices; (2) positive

discipline is more eective than punishment; (3) the more they use positive discipline,

the less they will need to use punishment; (4) adults themselves can make a change. I

we change, our children will change, too.

Activity:Test


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Applying Logical Consequences (at home)

Siui

l, i-y- by is csy

by is m pu is iy cs i mp bi s is uim ib c y sc k. l s sp i bu csy cm-

pis bcus cs s c. his m is i quickys spci s l cmpis s is uim x y.

as i qusis:

If you were Longs parent, what would you do?

If that, what could he realise?

Handouts


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Applying Logical Consequences

(situation analysis)

Siui (at home)

1. l, i-y- by is csy by is m pu is iy cs i mp bi s isuim i b c y sc k. l s sp i bu csy cmpis bcus cs s c. his m isi quicky s spci s l cmpis s is uim x y.

2. ls m cis y ic csqucs. S kiybu my l s cc i is biiy bspsib is iy cs. S xpi m s u s y cs i mp uy ys. S u l xpic u

csqucs i is cs i mp buy y. l ci s is p. o Suy i, k is uim b x y f

sui cmy. I b sii i is m sic pius Fiy. w l cmpi, m mpicysi, I b yu y iy cs. wl p i spci s, m si Im su

yu c u u sui. S i s i u iscussi ui is im cfic. l s

ups i smi s y mi b ciicis by c cu iy uim. l s cus c.

Using consequences can develop childrens sense o responsibility.

It strengthens the relation o parents and children - warmer with

less confict. The case itsel gives children a lesson that adults

dont have to preach anything else.


29/45


Applying Logical Consequences (at school)

Siui

l, 12-y- i, pms by sc, is sk s ims.t c s pim y bul s c biu. t ccis l s b uy kic i icu ci cssm

i.

as qusis:

1. What do you think about the teachers decision? Why?

2. If you were the teacher, would you do the same? Or different?


30/45


Punishment or logical consequences

Siui

Ki, 11-y- by, is pyi i is ibus us i ci bk p by misk.

Qusi:

If you were Kiens parent, what would you do?

If that, what lessons would Kien learn?


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Punishment or logical consequences

(comparison o two ways)

Ki, 11-y- by, is pyi i is ibus us i ci bk p by misk.

Puism lic csqucs

Beating (some smacks on the bottom, earpulling and other painul punishments).

What does Kien learn? He learns:

- Not to do it again

- Try to hide his mistake

- Try to blame another child

- Tell a lie

- Try not to be caught next time

- Conclude that he is bad, might eel angryand want to take revenge against the person

who beat him.

w bi b, ci mi smb b bcus s is sc i m bis. h, yu yu ci c i biubcus y i yu bcusy spc yu?

You say to your child that I know you broke ourneighbours tea pot. So what will you do about

it? Use sot but determined voice.

The child will apologise to the neighbour and

decides to help him to pick up the spilt tea leaves

to compensate or the tea pot i the neighbour

agrees.

Kien will learn that:

Mki misks is i p i(y c mk misk). t imp

i is mi mks misk b spsib. w su b is misk bu spsibiiy ciyi misk.

t ci i y k is is ps. Impy, cis s-sm cc u.


32/45


Dierences between punishment and

logical consequencesDiscuss in small groups and propose parents solutions in different styles (punishment and logical

consequences)

Siui Puism lic csqucs

The child is enjoying a song romcassette player or CD player

while parents are taking a short

nap ater lunch.

An 18-year-old child drives his

athers motorbike without his

permission. The motorbike is not

available when the ather needs

it so he cannot do his work.

The child invites his riend to his

house. They mess up everything.

Some o the riends use bad

language.


33/45


Dierences between punishment and

logical consequences (comparison handout)

Puism lic csqucs

1. Make a demand, showing the adults

power.

(Trung, turn o the music, we are taking a rest.)

1. Express the reality o the lie. Adults and children

have mutual respect.

(Trung, I know you like that song but we are taking

a rest so please either reduce volume or turn o the

music.)

2. Autocratic or less relevant to the situation.

(I you turn on the music when we are taking

a rest, you will not be allowed to touch that

cassette player rom now on.)

2. Directly relate to the childs behaviour.

(Because you were not home by the time we

agreed, you will have to stay at home this Saturday

evening.)

3. Identiy childrens behaviour with personality,

imply moral judgement.

(You acted like a thie when using my motorbike

without asking or my permission. From now on,

you are not allowed to touch it.)

3. Dierentiate between behaviour and

personality.

(You used my motorbike without asking or my

permission. I think you are not ready yet to ollow

our amilys rules so tomorrow you will not use it. I

will give you another chance to show you want to

ollow the agreed rules this Friday.)

4. Concerned with the past

(You are not allowed to invite your riends to our

house. Last time you made a mess and some o

your riends used bad language.)

4. Concerned only with what will happen now

and in the uture

(You may invite your riends to our house i you tidy

up ater yourselves and you make sure that no one

uses bad language.)

5. Threaten to behave disrespectully

(Last time you made me lose ace with my riend.

You will know what will happen i your riends

come to our house.)

5. Implication o riendliness, goodwill ater both

parent and children are calm.

(Because you dont want to behave respectully

towards my guests, you will stay in your room next

time they come to visit.)

6. Ask or immediate obedience

(Do it now, go! Or else )

6. Give the child a choice

(Do it in your own time but make sure it is done

beore I return.)


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Inconsistency between adults

Siui

K, 15 ys , s is i biy py. Bu ism s s py ss s is i K i cm m . w is s m, K sis i p im i mbik pis k(y mbik pii si). t is ppy s Ks is k b. a , K psus is

im py. t s iu ki m.

Qusi:

Is the fathers decision reasonable or not? Why?1.

Is the mothers decision reasonable or not? Why?2.

What do you think Khanh might do if he wants to go to friends birthday party or do similar3.

things later on?


35/45


Positive disciplines or teenagersThree styles of parenting: what will you do if your children do the following? Discuss in small

groups and ll in the blanks!

dicuy/ caucic

msPmississ Psii ms

The child stays out late

or the night

The child doesnt help

his or her parents with

the housework

The child is angry with

his or her parents

The child has an

irregular diet

The child has poor

school results

The child has a small

problem when riding

his or her bicycle to

school.


36/45


Positive disciplines or teenagers

(ull version)

dicuy/c

dici/sicms

Pmississ Psii ms

The child stays

out late at night

Scolding,

giving a lecture,

prohibiting

Expressing the

expectation o

punctuality but

taking no action

ater that

Discussing and agreeing on

the returning time beore

going out. Using logical

consequences (next time, next

week, the child will not be

allowed to go out)

The child doesnthelp his or her

parents with the

house work

Asking, givingcommand,

denigrating the

child, or example,

Youre useless.

Doing it or thechild. No longer

giving/asking the

child to do other

tasks

Gathering the whole amily todiscuss and agree on who does

what around the house and

using the logical consequence

method i this agreement is not

ollowed

The child is angry

with his parents

Threatening,

reacting with

anger

Taking

responsibility or

the childs eeling

(agreeing that it is

the parents ault)

Using positive listening and

message I because

(Chapter 5); considering other

ways o expressing eelings. Or

ignoring the childs anger and

discussing it when he or shehas calmed down.

Irregular diet Giving lectures,

trying to orce the

child to eat an

appropriate diet

Dont care at all

about the dietary

habit o the child

Discussing and working

together to make a diet

plan. Using natural or logical

consequences.

Poor school

results

Forcing the

child to do

more exercises,

punishing, giving

a lecture, bribing

Dont care about

the childs school

results

Giving the responsibility or

studying to the child. Focusing

on improvement and strengths

o the child (Encouragement,

see Chapter 6)

The child has a

small problem

when driving his

or her bicycle to

school.

Becoming angry,

giving a lecture,

not allow the

child to go to

school by bicycle

anymore

Showing excessive

compassion,

taking

responsibility

or that problem

(taking the child

to school by

motorbike)

Discussing with the child to

fnd a solution to avoid this

problem, showing that the

parent believes the child can

learn to ride the bicycle more

saely


37/45


What should be done with children in

confict?

Siui

1. vi, 5 ys , is pyi i is y c i css. Suy,is cssm, nc us css ks y c, s nc ss py i i. vi uss c bck. t bys

pu pus c . I , vi bis nc s

i mks nc cy u u. vi s cis. t isk mcfic is ppi.

2. a simi siui pps i sibis.

Qusi:

1. What would you do if you were a teacher or parent in the above situations?

2. What would Vinh learn from your action?


38/45


What should be done with angry

children?

Siui

vi is pyi i y bcks. w is y isbuii up bcks, kcks m by cci y cmumbi . h s s y is ys is ms s m.

Qusi:

1. What would you do if you were his teacher or parent?

2. What would Vinh learn from your actions?


39/45


Points to remember when applying

Time Out

Time Out should be the last resort, not the frst solution. The Time Out method is most eective

or children aged three to nine. The length o time spent in Time Out time depends on either

the childs age (an easy way to remember is one minute per yearo the childs age) or level o

mistake the child made, as long as parents message is ully conveyed to the child.

Some basic principles: be careul when using Time Out to avoid it becoming a mental

punishment

Dont use it or very young children.

Use this method immediately ater the child has hurt someone else or himsel.

The Time Out should not be insulting.

Length o the Time Out should not be longer than the time needed or the child

to calm down.

Dont threaten.

I the child is worried, embarrassed or irritated, you should help him or her to calm down

beore using Time Out. I you have used Time Out several times or any child but his or her

behaviour has not changed as expected, the reason might be

1. The child is too small to know the goal o being isolated rom his riends

2. The child is too amiliar with isolation thereore time out is ineective

3. The child may have a deep-seated aversion to isolation, or

4. The child has physical problems such as malnutrition

When adults are angry, children are usually the victims. I so, you may need a Time Out or

yoursel.


40/45


Dierences between positive and

negative discipline

Psii iscipi ni iscipi (puism)

1. Focus on what children need to do/should do. Oer them positive choices.

1. Focus on what children are not allowed to do.Prohibit them rom doing something withoutexplaining the reasons why.

2. A regular, continuous, consistentand determined process. It should beinstruction-oriented.

2. Only occur when a child is caught makingmistake or having a problem. It is a premeditatedaction that aims at making children ashamed orhumiliated.

3. Logical consequences are directly relatedto childrens negative behaviours.

3. Consequences are irrelevant or illogical andunrelated to childrens negative behaviours.

4. Listen to children, give examples orchildren to ollow.

4. Never or rarely listen to children. Demand thatchildren obey.

5. Accustom the child to sel-control. Enablehim or her to learn responsibility or him orhersel, becoming proactive and confdent.

5. Children increasingly depend on adults, arecontrolled by adults, may develop a ear o ailure,less sel-independent, passive, unconfdent.

6. Help children to change and ocus ontheir misbehaviours.

6. Focus on easing the adults anger rather thancorrecting the childs misbehaviour. May be a wayor the adult to vent their anger over somethingelse entirely

7. Positive, respectul towards children. 7. Negative, disrespectul towards children

8. Encourage childrens ability to think andmake choices.

8. Adults think and make decisions and choices orchildren.

9. Establish, develop desired behaviours. 9. Punish and criticise the child or his or her mistakes.This may result in another negative behaviour.

10. Understand childrens capacity, needsand developmental stages.

10. Inappropriate to the childs stage o development.Does not take into account childrens capacity andneeds.

11. No physical and emotional violence. 11. Physical and emotional violence.

12. Children ollow regulations and

disciplines because they have been involvedin the discussion and decision-making.

12. Children ollow regulations and disciplines

because they are araid o being punished orbribed with money or rewards.

13. Teaches the child to understand thereason or rules and discipline so that heor she internalises them and ollows themsubconsciously.

13. Teaches the child to passively ollow the rulesknowing that violation o the rules will result inpunishment. There is no real understanding o whyone behaviour is permitted and another is not.

14. Consider mistakes to be a learningopportunity or sel-improvement.

14. Mistakes viewed as unacceptable the child ispunished when he or she makes a mistake. Forcethe child to be obedient because the parents orteachers say so, rather than through understandingthe right and wrong o the situation.

15. Focus on the behaviour o the childrather than the childs personality.

15. Criticise the childs personality rather than hisor her behaviour.


41/45


Test(used or both parents and teachers)

Complete the below sentences by selecting and circling the most appropriate optionfor you

1. Punishment teaches a child to

a. Be sel-controlled

b. Use violence or problem solving

c. Respect his or her parents

2. Positive discipline helps the child to

learn

a. To behave appropriately

b.To be sneaky and not get caught

misbehaving

c. To ear their parents

3. Child development educators think

that children are born

a. Bad

b. Good

c. With the possibility o becoming eithergood or bad

4. The logical consequence o leaving

dirty clothes messily in a room is

a. Having to wear dirty/unwashed clothes

b. Not being able to watch TV

c. Having a parent pick up ater you


42/45


Please decide whether the actions below

are positive or negative and mark the ap-

propriate box.

acis ps cs m i sc

Psii nih yu us is

m: ys/

1. Giving direct and specifc

instruction (tell children exactly

what they have to do).

2. Coming to a conclusion or makingan assessment beore having

evidence.

3. Using orce (beating, smacking,

ear pulling and so on)

4. Giving a command or demanding

children to do something without

any explanation.

5. Acting and behaving in a way that

children will replicate.

6. Making a judgement about the

child based on one or two incidents.

7. Publicly comparing the child with

other children.

8. Predicting possible problems/

diculties that may happen to the child.

9. Keep insisting that the adult is

correct or superior.

10. Making regulations and rules

clearly and consistently and

always towards maintaining and

strengthening them.

What is your result? How many positive and how many negative disciplines have you used in the past?

AnswerforsessionA:1.=B2.=a3.=C4.=a

AnswerforsessionB:actions1,5,8,10reforpositive.

Actions2,3,4,6,7,9arefornegative


43/45


exciss1. Take a good look at the way you have disciplined your children over the past couple of weeks.

Complete each section below:

w i ci (pupis) ?

w i yu ?

2. Then ask yourself Was that method effective? Will

I do the same thing next time? Is there a more

positive or effective way to discipline the child if he

or she makes a similar mistake?

3. This week, you will try to use logical consequence.

Select some behaviours exhibited by your child

that made you worried or frustrated. It is difcult

to use a positive approach when you are irritated

and angry.

(a) What did the child do?

(b) What consequences did you and your child decide on?

(c) What was the result? Was it eective? Do you know why?

After a week, please answer the below questions (select all methods that you used last week)

1. t ms I us iscipii icu:

Yelling and screaming Ignoring the childs misbehaviour

Scolding Isolating the child (in a separate room,

in a corner, in a classroom)

Explaining the reasons very calmly Spanking

Removing privileges (or example,

did not allow the child to watch his

or her avourite TV programs)

Letting the child experience

consequences o his or her behaviour

Oering some limited choices. Threatened but didnt ollow through

Showing disapproval Directing the childs attention to other

issues to make him or her orget the

situation at hand


44/45


2. I s k, I:

M lss n c

Acted calmly

Acted frmly and

kindly

Used kind, not unkind,

words

Gave limited choices

and let the child learn

rom consequences o

his/her own behaviour

3. t msp miy css s c s i:

M lss n c

Friendliness

Cooperation

Understanding

Conusion

Fun

Tension


45/45

Test used or parents only

Yu pi sys (with teenage children)

In child rearing and education, as a parent, I usually

True False

1. Criticise and become angry

2. Shout, scream

3. Forbid

4. Threaten

5. Punish (beat, scold)

6. Usually suspect that my child is telling a lie

7. Criticise my childs school marks

8. Reproach my childs clothes and riends

9. Decide when my child must do his or her homework

10. Search my childs room, desk or bag to fnd proo o his or her

mistakes

11. Dont accept my childs opinion i its dierent rom my own

12. Think that parents will trust children who show they can be

trusted, while children think that they will show they can be

trusted i given the chance

13. Rarely discuss the situation with the child to fnd an acceptable

solution

I most o your answers are true, you tend to be strict. Autocratic adults usually orce children

to ollow them and do not accept any other way. This makes children dependent on adults

and rigid because they become araid o making mistakes because they will be punished. A

consequence o this style o parenting is a gap in the relationship between parents/teachers

and children.

Disciplina Positiva Parte 4

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Transcript of Disciplina Positiva Parte 4